Gypsy's Dreams - A Sporking

[failure_artist]

(This sporking was originally made in 2015 but I am posting it now as part of my application to das-sporking)

Found this JohnDave fanfic on AO3 and from the description, I had to spork it. I am not a Gypsy and I don’t claim to be an expert on Gypsies (Roma) but I know more than the author. I am not sure the author knows Gypsies are real people. I will try to avoid personal attacks on the author and I hope they take it as a form of constructive criticism. The original fanfic and the jokes I add may be offensive or triggering, so you should keep that in mind. Enjoy.

Gypsy's Dreams

Can robots dream of Richard Baseheart?

by Freeae

I’m freeeeeeeeeeeeea.

Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warning:

Underage

Category:

M/M

Fandom:

Homestuck

Relationship:

John Egbert/Dave Strider, Roxy Lalonde/Dirk Strider,

Human-style moirails or are they in a traditional human romance?

Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam

Character:

John Egbert, Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde, Roxy Lalonde, Dirk Strider, Jake English, Jade Harley, Kanaya Maryam

Additional Tags:

Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe- Gypsies,

How often do people write gypsy AUs? If they’re like this I hope not often.

Alternate Universe - Steampunk,

i.e. vaguely past-y

Anal Sex,

Probably badly lubed

Minor Character Death, Oral Sex, Sex Slavery,

Is there any other type of slavery in fanfiction?

Kidnapping, Abuse, Age Difference

Though the two characters act the same age.

Summary

Long ago, imperfect humans were set aside from the rest of the world and were referred to as gypsies.

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. “Gypsies” are a real-life ethnicity called Romani and they were killed by the thousands by Nazis for being “unclean”.  

Our story follows Dave Strider and his caravan. They traveled peacefully until the Gypsy Hunting Act. Now what will happen?

They die?

Chapter 1: Cute Little Jewish Boy

Oh good, Jewish people will be fetishized.

The caravan set up camp far away from a little town in Jeruselum.

Jerusalem and it’s a big city.

Some of the members left to explore the town, as well one of the most important characters of our story; Dave.

Colon or a comma, not semi-colons.

He was known to flirt with men and women, and often slept with someone in each town he visited.

..and was kicked out of for giving people social diseases and knocking them up.

But that's not too important to our story.

Author: In fact, Dave isn’t important at all to the story! Let’s focus on Viceroy Bubbles Von Salamancer.

Dave walked through the marketplace; stopping to look at jewelry, clothing, food, instruments; anything he saw.

Commas, not semi-colons!

All the new sights and aromas surrounded him.

Mostly the sight and aroma of camel dung.

He decided to get something to eat for himself and went to a stand where he saw some very delicious-looking pastries.

Probably traditional Jewish pastries like donuts and éclairs.

"Hey, uh, can I buy something?"

Said no one.

A boy turned and looked at him.

Just some random boy. Wasn’t even selling the pastries.

And if there were words to describe him;

COMMA! Oh fuck it, I’m ignoring that from now on.

Dave would describe him as stunning, gorgeous, beautiful, adorable, or all of the above.

Dave had a thesaurus and he wasn’t afraid to use it.

He had the brightest blue eyes, and the most unruly black hair.

And now commas where they don’t need to be.

his skin was just barely tanned.

Tanned or is he just dark skinned like many middle-easterners?

He wore gold bangles around each wrist, and had on a few different almost tribal looking necklaces.

What does “tribal” mean in this case?

He wore gold hoop earrings and on one ear, a cuff; with different lengths of chains coming off of it, and each ending with an ivory spike.

That’s really elaborate earring work, especially for a boy.

He had spirals and tendrils of tattoos going down his left arm, and partially covering his chest.

Was he bare-chested? Why does this good Jewish boy have tattoos? The Torah forbids tattoos.

He wore loose faded-white pants that hung low on his hips. Dave tried not to stare too much. But this boy was a lot to take in.

How old is this boy? Referring to him as a boy is kinda creepy since he’s being shipped with an adult Dave.

"What was that," the boy asked.

Without a question mark.

"Oh. I... Wanted to buy something." The boy giggled.

The boy is easily amused.

"What would you like?"

Dave: You. *glomps*

"One of those pastries, would do just fine, cutie." Like I said, Dave was a flirt. He couldn't help it.

You could have just shown it without telling us before he ever said a word and then confirming it after a mild flirt.

"I-I have to make some... But, feel free to come in my booth and wait..." The boy was flustered as he turned away and got to work.

I thought there were already pastries on display! What sort of an operation is this?

Dave opened the curtain and stepped into the small booth, taking a seat on a stool as he watched the boy work.

I thought this was just a stand. This boy is making pastries in a tiny booth instead of making them at home and putting them on a stand?

"What's your name?"

"Huh?"

"Your name. What is it."

Boy: It’s “Huh”.

"Oh. Jonathan. But... You can just call me John. I hate how formal my full name sounds..."

John: I hate being formal with absolute strangers.

John isn’t short for Jonathan. That’s Jon. John is John.

"Dave. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

John smiled at Dave, "As is yours." Dave could have sworn that smile could raise the dead and stop world hunger. _._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._

And here we see the dead rising.

John and Dave got to know each other as Dave's pastries cooked.

You bake pastries, not cook them.

John figured out that Dave is a gypsy and sings and plays guitar and is quite the artist.

Using Holmes-esque skills plus Dave told him in a conversation cut from the fanfic.

Dave learned that John lives alone, is Jewish (oh hey my favorite headcanon in the world; Jewish homestuck characters), and tends to play pranks on the other villagers.

Thanks for the disruptive authorial aside. We couldn’t tell you headcanon John as Jewish.

John also found himself admiring Dave.

Of course.

The first thing he noticed was his crimson eyes. They were alluring, dreamy, charming, and all around gorgeous.

John also had a thesaurus.

He noticed his dirty blonde hair and freckle-covered skin. Dave had different piercings all over his body. He had snake bites, a tongue piercing, a nose piercing, small gauges and in his left ear, a bar.

Those sound really modern. Is this 19th century Jerusalem or modern Brooklyn?

He wore flashy gold, or diamonds, or ivory for piercings.

He was setting himself up to be robbed.

He had angel wings tattooed to his back,

So Dave is also shirtless.

and tribals tattoos going up his right forearm.

Again with the “tribal”! So, they both have the same faux-Polynesian tattoo modern fratboys have.

He had a perfectly muscled body (not that John noticed),

Great, a “Not a homosexual!” John. He’s not insecure with his sexuality.

and John tried his best not to burn the food Dave would soon consume.

The drugs wouldn’t work if they were burnt and John needed to knock out Dave and sell him to the slavers.

"It must get lonely," Dave said as he leaned back.

...and fell off his stool.

"Yeah... It does... But I'm used to it by now..."

John: I’m fine being alone, Mister Man-ho.

"'Used to it' isn't always a good thing."

"No... I guess you're right..." John sighed and leaned against the counter, "but this is home..."

This booth? How big is it?

"You could come with me. After this, we're off to Egypt."

That’s a town, isn’t it?

John looked at Dave like he had grown two heads, "what? No! I-I live here... I can't just leave..."

John: I have a mortgage on this booth!

"You have no one here that'll miss you.

How do you know that, Dave? His customers might miss him.

I left Germany because I wanted to see the world.

Dave: Plus all the pogroms.

And because I had no one left there for me."

Dave: Having given everyone a disease.

"... But-"

"Are you gonna come with me or not?"

"... Alright..."

"Alright, what?"

"I'll go with you..."

Well, that was a long and thoughtful conversation.

John, you have made a bad decision. But hey this is your story not mine.

John: AAAAHHHH! I’m hearing voices!

Now, here are the end notes for the entire work:

End Notes

Some extra information to clear up any confusion:

1. This is set circa 1800's- 1900's but I have turned it into my own personal playpen.

Sometime within two centuries.

This is what I want to put as a separate, dystopian world.

Yeah, I can tell how dystopian this world is what with the pastry stands and the busy cities.

Later, I will have them visit less rural places (like England, Spain, France, etc) and it will be set in a Steampunk-esc setting.

England, Spain, and France have both urban and rural parts.

2. Dave is 26-ish, John is 16. No, they did not bother exchanging ages because back then- no one cared.

Why make them ten years apart? John is already running his own business. He can’t be that young.

3. I will use crude language. I haven't yet, but I will.

Author: One day I’ll say “darn”!

4. This is going to be a lengthy fanfiction. It will be a while before we get to the... *ahem* sex. (I'm basically prolonging it because I've never written smut)

Just don’t write sex at all if you don’t want to.

5. I will be posting my own art (and other reference pictures) to my tumblr, [REDACTED]
6. Constructed criticism is appreciated, hate is not. If you have nothing nice to say; screw you. I'll be a bitch about it. I will bitch at you about it.

I wonder how they will take this.

7. If you want to tell me something is historically inaccurate; refer back to number 1.

The “it’s my universe” excuse. If you are going to use real world places, you need some real world history. Even if you use a fantasy world, you need to be accurate to that world’s level of technology and social organization and that means researching equivalent real world eras.

8. Chapters will be short in the beginning, but they will get longer as I write. I think. I'm not sure. As of right now I have the first three chapters written and oh my god I need to make them longer.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing.~

Chapter 2: Meeting The Caravan

John's POV

Awkward and pointless POV change!

I would describe Dave's caravan as small and... Eccentric.

Decapitalize the “Eccentric”.  

I've been here a few days. And in the beginning, I never got properly introduced to everyone.

John: Since I was put in a gimp suit and shoved into a cage.

So Dave did introductions when they set up camp by a river in the woods.

There's Mama Kanaya, who has short brown hair and caramel skin. Her eyes are like emeralds and she wore beautiful silks of violet and Jade.

Jade really wants her silks back.

She had tribal tattoos on both hands,

Everyone has gone to the same tattoo artist.

and she practiced witchery.

Or was it bitchery?

Dave told me that she was "Mama" Kanaya because she always was a mother figure to the caravan.

Also because of her great “Mama Cass” impersonation.

Rose was Dave's sister. Her hair was the same blonde as Dave's, but her eyes were a pretty violet-blue color. She wore dark makeup that matched the clothes she wore.

John: She wore black greasepaint and sang minstrel songs. This is okay because we’re in the past.

Her and Kanaya practiced all sorts of witchery together.

Is that a code word for “lesbianism”?

It’s “she”, not her.

Then there was Dave's brother, Dirk. He was the spitting image of Dave.

He was a Spitting Image puppet of Dirk.

But his hair was longer, and his eyes mimicked the color of gold.

If the gold was orange.

He wasn't flirty like Dave, and was a bit less of a show-off. He also talked less, I noticed. Or at least, didn't go off on really long run-on sentences.

John: But his shades wouldn’t shut up. Um, his steam-powered shades.

There was also Roxy, who liked to be referred to as "The Witch Doctor," because she tended to heal anyone with injuries.

So all the girls are witches.

She had hot pink eyes, and medium-length blonde hair. She wore a mid-riff top with a shawl over it,

Roma women are modest and don’t go around in belly shirts.

and her skirt was long and flowy.

Flowing.

Her clothes were different shades of pink, purple, and black.

She got them at Ye Olde Hot Topic.

She was kind, but loud and easily passive-aggressive. Dirk said that she was a bit of an alcoholic, which I would have never guessed myself.

John: Being the non-observant doofus I am.

“Alcoholic” is too modern a word. “Drunk” or even “dipsomaniac” would work better.

Jake English was also in the caravan.

You just can’t get rid of him.

He had dark skin and hair to match, but his green eyes betrayed his genes.

John has read Mendel’s ignored study and knows all about genetics.

He was wearing green, baggy canvas pants; and a shirt with sleeves that stopped at his elbows.

Sleeves that stop at the elbow? Oh my god!

He also had a gun on his belt, it was made of copper and brass;

Guns made of copper and brass? THIS MUST BE STEAMPUNK.

I asked him if it was just for looks since it looked so flashy, but he told me that he only used it in emergency.

Like when he needs to shoot himself in the foot accidentally.

Jake's younger sister, jade, looked similar to him.

He carried around a jade rock and called it his little sister; we were all creepied out by him.

Her skin was lighter and her eyes were darker, she was about ten years old and had an attitude bigger than her.

Why is she much younger than the rest of the cast?

She wore a green dress with a gold colored scarf tied at her hips. She took care of a large white dog which I swear could have easily been bigger than me on his hind legs.

John: It also had no eyes and it sparked green. Cute puppy.

Dave said that the caravan was his family (literally and metaphorically), and that I should accept them to be my own family.

...or else.

I wasn't sure about how I felt about them. They were all kind people.

Don’t see a lot of ambiguity.

Kanaya was probably my favorite. She was like the mother I never had. Dave told me that her and Rose were in some sort of love affair.

I’m sure Dave’s sister and her girlfriend appreciate him blabbing their sodomistic affair to strangers.

When we stopped by the river, I helped the caravan unpack any needed supplies from the two wagons. Dave and dirk pitched tents,

mmmmmmm good bye, folks!

Jake started a fire, Rose took Jade to the river for water, Kanaya showed me how to cook fish over the open fire, and Roxy went on to feed the four horses we had.

That night, when we finished eating, we sat around the warm, blazing fire. Dave got out his guitar and sang, the others singing with him. I smiled and watched him play from next to him. I knew I could get used to a lifestyle like this. It was so different from my usual life, yet still so similar.

That’s a nice and vague sum-up.

Once everyone had gone to sleep, it was just Dave and I. We were laying on our backs, looking at the stars when he decided to speak up,

Dave: Where the fuck did our tent go?

"So what do you think?"

"Of what?"

"Being in the caravan."

"Oh..." I hadn't thought he would care. "I like it, I guess... It's really different from my usual lifestyle... But I feel like I could get used to it."

John: Like I said in my narration.

"That's good."

"Why'd you become a gypsy?"

Dave: The same reason you became Jewish, you numbnut.

"My family became unwelcome back home. Our parents were murdered and the murderer used the three of us as a scapegoat.

Dave: Even though we were babies at the time.

We were wealthy, and very famous for the machines they built.

Dave: Our steampunk machines.

So it was a big deal when they died... Whoever pinned the blame on us is dead, though. And we're still not welcome back into Germany."

So this is after the 1871 unification of Germany or his family was so unpopular they got thrown out of every German state.

Continuity: he earlier said he left Germany to see the world.

He had a far-off look. Like he was reminiscing on something.

Like he was just recalling his story.

"Oh..." I felt stupid for asking. Idiot, John. You're an idiot. You don't just ask people what happened to their parents. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

You only asked how he became a gypsy.

"It's fine. I don't mind talking about it anymore. But what about you. What happened to your family?"

I never told anyone what happened. "Uh... My parents, they, uh..."

John: ...were furries.

"It's fine if you don't want to tell me."

Dave: It’s probably a really boring story.

"No... No, It's fine... I just never talked about it before, that's all." I took a few deep breaths. In, and out. In, and out. Don't forget how to breathe, John.

He needs constant reminders.

"My parents abandoned me. From what I know, they never wanted children. They left me at the neighbor's doorstep. Jane, my neighbor, raised me. I wouldn't describe her as a mother, though. More like a sister. Or a close friend."

John: She probably doesn’t mind that I skipped town forever without telling her.

Dave nodded, almost like he understood.

But he didn’t, because he wasn’t listening.

He was an interesting person. Sometimes he was like this; really curious about people and places and things and nature and absolutely everything. But sometimes he was really stoic and indifferent.

John: You can tell by the way I just flat out said it.

He was so interesting and I wanted to get closer to him (I never decided if it was literal or metaphorical.)

John: Tee hee UST.

We talked well into the night about anything we could think of. From what our hobbies were, to stuff about our past or what we want in the future.

John: It was too boring to put into words.

He also explained to me what it actually meant to be a gypsy in this society.

"Yeah, gypsies travel and such but that's the old definition.

No, gypsy refers to an ethnicity, and only later did it become a cool term for freewheeling people.

Now it's more like... Like we're not even human.

That’s how it’s been for real world gypsies.

Now if you have some sort of birth defect, or had a mutation, of if you were a criminal or gay or something; you were given the title of "Gypsy."

Ugh. This is so unfortunate.

“Gay” as in homosexual is too modern a word.  

We're the lowest of the low-class. Not even worthy of being slaves.

Roma have been slaves.

It became illegal for us to enter certain cities with the Gypsy Hunting Act. It isn't even hunting. It's slaughter..." He used big hand motions as he talked, I noticed. He also seemed to get more tense as he talked.

tenser

"Oh my god..."

"You're tellin' me... I've lived with that knowledge my entire life, never knowing that one day it would be applied to me.."

Dave: I didn’t give a fuck about the genocide until it affected me.

"What's so bad about you?"

Dave: I’m an insufferable douchebag.

"My freakish eyes."

"They aren't freakish. I think they're gorgeous." We'll there's no turning back now. He's so gonna tease me. Oh god no.

"Gorgeous, huh?" He looked at me and wiggled his eyebrows.

And we know Dave has bushy eyebrows under those glasses.

"Oh my god..." I was blushing bright and I brought a hand up to feel my face. Yeah. Yeah that's- that's me blushing.

Dave laughed, and it sounded nice. Not that I would admit that. "Go to sleep, dork."

A little UST and the conversation dies.

He stood up and went to his tent, telling me that the one next to it was for me.

That tent also doubled as the latrine.

I crawled into the tent and lied down, finding a comfortable position before falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.

It’s not a very deep sleep if there aren’t REM cycle.

Chapter End Notes

So this was sort of just a filler/intro chapter. I haven't finished drawing all of the characters (who am I kidding I only have Kanaya drawn and colored), but eventually they will be posted to my tumblr.

By the way, there will be more characters added as the story progresses. And with my whole POV thing, how I had it in third person before and now I have it in first? Yeah, it's gonna stick to first person from now on. I will switch between Dave and John and maybe the others, but mainly Dave and John because they're the stars of my fanfiction.

You should have figured out the POV earlier.

In Dave's POV, everything will be very... Dave-like. Meaning I will let myself ramble on with descriptions and actions. It'll be a lot more like Dave's thoughts rather than just a description of his actions.

Your Dave is rather laconic compared to the canon.

Thank you for reading.~

Chapter 3: Threats Occur

Chapter Summary

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

 

I don't even have a plan for this.

I'm just writing at this point.

You seemed to have plans in the last chapter.

John's POV

I woke up to the sound of horses galloping.

...away from me.

I figured someone carried me out of my tent because I was no longer in it, but instead I was in the wagon.

They dragged him into the wagon instead of just waking him up?

I sat up in confusion and rubbed the sleepiness out of my eyes. Dave was next to me, and Roxy was in the wagon with us. There were crates stacked up in one corner, and in the other there were all sorts of blankets and pillows.

"Goodmornin', sunshine," Roxy said when she saw that I was awake. "You sleep like a rock."

Roxy: And you were as hard as a rock.

"Yeah, I know... I always have." I covered my mouth as I yawned.

John: I have never had REM sleep in my life. Please kill me.

"We had a change of plans," Dave said. "We found out that all of Africa passed the Gypsy Hunting Act.

Probably all started with that damn paranoid Madagascar.

Is Africa mostly Europe-ruled at this point? Author probably thinks Africa is one country.  

So now we're heading to Asia."

Aren’t you already in southwest Asia?

"Why Asia," I asked. I looked at him as he explained.

...question marks to me.

"It's Gypsy territory.

I know Romani come from India but that doesn’t mean they own the whole continent.

We can't travel Europe or Africa safely anymore. So now we need to stay in Asia, and find a stable Gypsy village."

There are actually permanent Romani settlements so I can’t fault the author for that.

He moved to rest his chin on his knee. "It'll be safer for all of us."

I let out a quiet 'oh' before looking outside the back of the wagon.

John would say a quiet “oh” to any plan.

The wheels let up light puffs of dirt in the road and the trees in the distance disappeared or blended with the rest of the world as we moved forward. For a while it was quiet between the three of us. Then I piped up. "How long 'till we get to Asia?"

John: (whiny) Are we there yet? I have to pee.

Roxy answered, "a few days? Maybe not... Maybe a week." She tapper her lip.

Tapper?

"I dunno. Longer than three days, no more than two weeks."

Roxy: Sometime this millennium.

"Don't worry, John. It's not all bad. Traveling is half the fun of being in a caravan," Dave told me almost as if he could smell my worry.

John: I was peeing myself in terror.

"I'm not worried. Im just kinda confused. Like how did all this "kill the gypsies" stuff even start?"

Dave sighed, looking almost exasperated. Like he's explained it a million times.

Dave: Read the FAQ.

"It started 200 years ago.

So in the 1980s, right?

Some group of gypsies started committing crimes and stuff and were eventually turned in.

Uggggh unfortunate.

They didn't like it though.

People tend not to like being imprisoned.

So they tried to kill the royal family, and actually succeeded.

Dave: But it was the royal family of Vulgaria so nobody cared.

Really, what royal family was it?

But all they did is help this tyrant get the throne. Said tyrant hated imperfections, so she banned all gypsies from established cities. Then she started to kill off anyone with birth defects or mutations."

Is this unspecified tyrant supposed to be Condesce?

"Mutations?"

He lifted a hand and snapped, his whole forearm going up in flames for a split second, then the fire went out again.

Leaving only third degree burns.

"Mutations. Things 'normal humans' don't have. I wasn't even born with mine. It just sorta... Happened? I guess?"

You’re born with mutations.

"That's weird.

The trademark DULL SURPRISE we’ve all grown to know and love from Egderp.

What if you accidentally burned a building or something?"

"Then I accidentally burn down a building but that's not the point.

Dave: So I might accidentally kill people and destroy their property, big whoop, who cares.

We're freaks of nature and the royals won't tolerate it."

The Kansas City Royals are real jerks.

Roxy decided to add her own comment to the discussion,

Roxy: Vodka martinis are better than gin. Wait, what were we talking about?

"he's right. Ever since the queen to the throne, laws have been even more strict than they used to."

The queen to the throne what? Which queen and which throne is this?

Stricter.

Dave nodded in agreement. "We could be killed on sight, no questions asked."

_._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._

Later, we approached a small village.

Oh, Texas.

Dirk sold the wagons and any useless supplies.

...like me.

He told us that we can only keep what we need.

Only one steampunk turntable was necessary.

Him and Jake filled satchels with our supplies

He and Jake.

and they bought two more horse, providing us with six in total. They filled the saddle bags with supplies as well

Previously, they were empty.

and when we were done with that, we mounted our horses and once again set off, dirk telling us that we're traveling during night to cover more ground.

John: He kept telling us. It was really annoying.

Dirk, Dave, Roxy, and I all had our own horses.

John: Because we were the best.

Jake rode with Jade, and Kanaya with Rose.

Rosemary is connected at the hips.

It was a long ride until we stopped and went off the trail to set up camp. We tied up the horses and started a small fire. We didn't bother pitching tents since it would be too much hassle. We sat around the fire as Dirk explained more of the situation.

They sat around the burning Dave.

"... And without being able to travel Europe and Africa, we have to turn around," Dirk said.

John: He just started off the conversation like that. It was a bit confusing.

"But gypsy territory is just as dangerous," jake argued.

Capitalize both “Gypsy” and “Jake”.

"Survival-wise, yes. But in Asia, we don't have to worry about village people trying to kill us."

"And there's plenty of livable villages.

Kanaya: For A Certain Definition Of Livable.

Remember, if anything I know the most about Asia considering I was raised there," Kanaya added. She really was very intelligent.

...in that she thinks being raised in one part of a continent means she’s an expert on the entire thing.

And I love hearing her speak. It was sweet as honey- and why am I thinking about this, it isn't even that important.

John: This is a “Stop! Hammertime” fanfic, not whatever cute name John/Kanaya is.

"Where do you suggest we go," dirk asked.

...the small sword gaining enough intelligence to speak but not enough to use question marks.

"I'm not sure. I grew up in Moscow but by now it's probably snow-covered and abandoned.

The Russians just abandoned “The Third Rome” because it was too gosh-darn cold?

Somewhere in China, perhaps?"

That’s a county, isn’t it?

Dirk nodded at her suggestion. "Probably. Or we could try going over-seas to Japan. They have the most advances Gypsy villages."

"Yes but to get there, it's more dangerous because of all the toxins in the water."

Kanaya: Creating all those kaiju.

"Which is why I said 'try'."

The group pondered ideas for a bit longer; decided what places are impossible, what places are safe, dangerous, livable, etc.

Then they gave up.

Then Rose cut in, "we could actually try Russia. If it's abandoned, no one would think to look there for us."

ALL of Russia is abandoned? Did all the nukes explode?

"But we would freeze," dirk argued. "There's a reason it's abandoned."

ALL of Russia is frozen? Even the warmer parts by the Black Sea?

"Says the world-renowned mechanic. We're all mutated one way or another. We could survive."

John: I’m not mutated!

Rose: Did someone say something?

Dirk sat and pondered the idea. "I guess it's not that bad of an idea. We could just make our own village. Fix buildings, and such."

Dirk: We’ll make our own village. With blackjack. And hookers.

And with that, we stayed and talked around the fire until midnight; then packed up, put out the fire and left without a trace.

Excluding the piles and piles of garbage.

Basically: The real world setting was full of factual errors, John goes off with a stranger for no good reason after only a few lines of dialogue, and there was too much tell and not enough show. Not a promising story.

.